On the topic of black men and accountability. 

When people are not being held accountable for actions that clearly put others in a place where they can be and are constantly triggered, then there is no community. 
There is no community because you allow black men to get away with asking stupid, thoughtless questions like “how is your baby daddy” 
These people, (almost always cis men) 

Don’t remember or even think to ask how you are. 
They weren’t asking how you were when your ‘baby daddy’ was talking to you like scum of the earth in front of them. 
They weren’t asking how you were when your ‘baby daddy’ was kicking you out of the car and speeding off with your ten month old child still in the car.
They weren’t asking how you were when your car was ‘mysteriously’ damaged. 
They weren’t asking how you were when your ‘baby daddy’ was flinging you, naked, out of the bathroom in front of your screaming sister and godson with your child sleeping in the next room. 
They weren’t asking you how you were when your ‘baby daddy’ was calling you at 3am, drunk and high on cocaine, ordering you to lie to the police who had just showed up at your door, looking for him because he had just fled the scene of a car crash. 
They weren’t and aren’t asking how you are or how you’re surviving whilst your ‘baby daddy’ is neglecting his parental responsibilities. 
They aren’t asking how you are full stop. 
But you just dare, try to get to a point where the abuse you experienced is one that you are (with the buttress of other black women…Surprise, not surprise!) healing from and finally existing again, smiling again, taking up some well deserved space and watch, see how many people will remember not you, but your ‘baby daddy’. 
This is the world we live in folks. One where the violence against black women is rampant and relentless yet we are completely invisible until it is clear that we actually doesn’t require attention or validation from men, at which point, we easily become objects of ridicule and disrespect at the hands of said men. 
Brothers! Talk to your friends, black women are not here for your consumption, entertainment, or to be your emotional mules. 

So if you aren’t checking for us, fuck off with your tactless questions…because the next time you ask one, I promise, you will be getting kicked, in the nuts. 

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Published in: on May 1, 2016 at 3:56 pm  Leave a Comment